When Gaming Feels Like a Wedge

 You’ve probably asked it before: “Are you still playing that game?” 

Maybe you’ve even muttered it under your breath when your child, grandchild, or even your spouse promised they’d be at dinner in “fifteen minutes” and then an hour later, you peek at them and they’re still glued to the screen.

Much like the final 2 minutes of a close Super Bowl, it seems like the game will never end. Yeah, they say “2 minutes” but you’re thinking “2 minutes, my eye.”

If you’ve felt ignored, frustrated, or even a little jealous of a glowing monitor, you’re not alone. Families everywhere are discovering that gaming, while fun for the player, can create tension for those who don’t fully understand the time commitment, or even the value.

To someone spectating from the outside with their face pressed up against the glass, gaming can look like endless mindless button-mashing or wasted hours doing nothing of value. But to the gamer, it’s often so much more. Games bring community, teamwork, challenge, excitement, adventure, and achievement.

That’s why a simple, “I’ll be done in 15 minutes,” doesn’t always mean what you think it does. In gamer-speak, that usually translates to: “I’ll be done after this raid, which should be over in 15 … unless the healer lags, in which case it might be tomorrow.”

It’s not necessarily that your gamer is choosing pixels over people.

More often, it’s that the game runs on its own timeline and leaving in the middle of a mission can feel like walking out of a championship game at some random time. Just like there is no goalie in the world who would walk off the field during the World Cup, your gamer can’t just leave midgame.

This mismatch in perspective leads to three common friction points:

• Neglected Time: You want to spend time together, but they’re still online.
• Different Values: You see wasted hours; they see accomplishment.
• Frustrated Priorities: You wonder why coordinating with online teammates seems easier than showing up on time for family dinner.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4–5, Paul reminds us: “Love is patient, love is kind… it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered.”

That’s a tall order when you’ve called your gamer to dinner three times already. But it’s also a nudge for gamers themselves. Love doesn’t dishonor others, which means making space for family and not always defaulting to “just one more round.” Patience and kindness are a two-way street, even when a glowing screen is in the middle.

And then there’s Philippians 2:3–4: “Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

That’s the antidote to the “me versus you” standoff gaming can create. For gamers, it’s a reminder to look up from the screen and recognize the people who need you. For family members, it’s also a call to humility and to step into their world, ask questions, and try to see why this digital universe matters to them.

It’s not about choosing either game or family. It’s about building a rhythm of valuing one another.

The tension is real. But it’s also not the full story.

Think about why you might love a hobby, whether it’s gardening, golf, puzzles, or even binge-watching a TV show. You enjoy it because it brings relaxation, accomplishment, and sometimes connection with others.

Gaming offers those very same things but just in a digital space, minus any dirt under your nails or lost balls in the drink. It’s not about avoiding people. In fact, many gamers play to connect with friends they wouldn’t otherwise see, or to blow off steam after a stressful day.

The good news is that gaming doesn’t have to create the equivalent of the Berlin Wall between you and your gamer. A few small steps can shift the dynamic:

• Be curious: Ask them about what they’re playing and why they enjoy it. You don’t have to love the game to care about their experience.
• Communicate expectations: If dinner is at 6:30, give a heads-up 30 minutes early so they can finish a round without feeling ambushed.
• Invite balance: Encourage offline time together without framing it as “gaming is bad.” Instead, highlight what you’d love to do with them.
• Step into their world: Even trying a short round (even if you’re terrible) can be a powerful way of saying, “I value what matters to you.”

At its heart, gaming is just another form of play. And while it may not look like the play you grew up with, it meets the same deep needs: fun, connection, challenge, and belonging.

So the next time you find yourself about to ask, “Are you still playing that game?” consider flipping the script. Instead, try, “Hey, when you’re done, could we do something together?"

The real win isn’t getting your player to dinner on time at all costs. It’s making sure that dinner time doesn’t cost you your relationship with your player.

Make the connection:

How might we use 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 to foster a conversation about how both parent and player can honor each other in the area of screen time and family time?

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